


Focus, Jun, Conceal Don't Feel, Remember?

by Wheres_my_badger



Category: UNVS
Genre: But Like Not Much, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Joonhyeon is emotionally constipated, M/M, Munyong is cute, THEY DESERVE IT, anyways as usual, but it isn't the focus, guys please give them love, idk what else to tag tbh, it's been a while since I wrote anything like this, it's g r e a t, panicked gay Joonhyeon, their songs are great and they're funny af, watch Rookie King UNVS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wheres_my_badger/pseuds/Wheres_my_badger
Summary: In which Yongyong is soft and cute and that makes it really hard for Joonhyeon to keep telling himself he's straight.
Relationships: Im Joonhyeon | Jun.H/Kim Munyong | YY
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Focus, Jun, Conceal Don't Feel, Remember?

**Author's Note:**

> first of all sorry for the title, second of all stan UNVS

Yongyong was soft. Everything about him was soft. His name - even if they were now trying to call him by his Korean name, Munyong, which wasn't that cute -; his facial features, his voice - though it could be pretty powerful too. He was just overall soft. Of course, he liked to play around and shove and hit as much as the other boys, and he didn't mind the rough play one bit. But he also didn't mind being soft and cute. And that was something that had always amazed Joonhyeon.

Yongyong wasn't scared of being scared, for example, which sounded funny, but was true. That one time they played a ghost prank on him he didn't seem embarrassed by his own fear. Eunho had gotten scared too, but as soon as he noticed it was Joonhyeon under the ghost costume he had started begging the staff to cut his part out, embarrassed about his reaction. Yongyong didn't. He got scared and owned up to it, laughing at himself with the others.

Joonhyeon remembered when they were filming rookie king and Yongyong had gotten the girl group outfit, too, along with Changgyu. Changgyu was an obvious choice, because he was small and smiley. Yongyong was also an obvious choice, because he was… you guessed it, soft. And maybe Joonhyeon had had trouble focusing on the shooting back then, because Yongyong looked… whatever, that wasn't the point. The point was that…

"Hyung, I swear to god, if I have to call you one more time I'll throw your phone out of the window."

Joonhyeon blinked, noticing the other boys were all staring at him. Changgyu seemed confused, Dongkeun looked pissed and Yehyeon was clearly amused, the little shit. And Yongyong was looking at him with a mix of concern and amusement in his eyes, but on him even the amusement was cute, and not annoying like it was on their youngest.

"Sorry, zoned out."

Dongkeun snorted, "you don't tell me. You said we would get a ten-minute break, it's been twenty minutes."

Joonhyeon sighed. He was tired and his body was aching, but they had to practice. Their comeback was getting closer and closer, and they couldn't waste time like this. "Let's start. One more hour and then we can go home."

The others didn't complain, although they looked as exhausted as Joonhyeon felt. Yehyeon turned their new song on and everyone got into position.

Joonhyeon was once again deep in thought - you can guess what he was thinking about - when he felt someone walking besides him. They had left the company a while ago, and Changgyu and Yehyeon had decided to go to a convenience store to eat something, so it was either Dongkeun or Yongyong next to Joonhyeon. Or a robber, but that was unlikely. Joonhyeon hoped it was Dongkeun. Or a robber. He really didn't want it to be…

"Are you ok, Jun?"

Joonhyeon sighed. "I'm fine, Yong. Just tired."

The boy next to him pouted, seeming worried, and Joonhyeon really, really envied how easily the boy let his emotions and softer side show. He was the only one in the group who seemed to be truly in tune with his feelings. All of the others were emotionally constipated, though Joonhyeon knew he was the worst, and tended to express any kind of soft emotion through soft punches and grumbled words, if at all.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" he asked, reaching for Joonhyeon's hand and squeezing it. Joonhyeon fought down a shiver. He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Dongkeun, who was somewhere behind them.

"Awn, you two look so cute walking around holding hands."

Because that's what they did. They teased each other at the slightest signal of affection or softness, and Joonhyeon usually didn't mind it, but sometimes he wished they could just stop for a moment and understand that having feelings and expressing them wasn't bad or embarrassing. Mostly, he was angry with himself. Yongyong was the one who got teased the most, because, as previously mentioned, he was the only one who actually expressed himself, no matter what - Changgyu did too, sometimes, but not as often. And yet, he never seemed affected by the teasing. And Joonhyeon envied him so much for that. Because if he truly stopped to think about it he was just as soft as Yongyong. And that was if he was being nice with himself, because sometimes he looked at Yongyong and the things he felt were on a whole other level of softness.

But Joonhyeon wasn't as brave and strong as Yongyong. He pulled his hand away, chuckling, and for a moment he thought he saw hurt on Yongyong's eyes. The emotion was gone before he could be sure, though, and anyways, he was too busy flipping Dongkeun off and waiting to get him on a headlock - never worked, because Dongkeun was significantly taller than him - to pay attention to Yongyong at the moment.

Joonhyeon hadn't always been bothered by his friends' fragile masculinity and emotional constipation. He himself had never been good at expressing his feelings, always embarrassed about them and too scared to show anything that might make him look even slightly less masculine than what was socially accepted. So he had spent most of his life dealing with everything on his own, and he was fine with that, and in his mind everyone was like that. Until Yongyong.

When Joonhyeon met Yongyong, he was amazed. To someone who was used to showing affection through punches, befriending someone who said 'I love you' to his friends on a regular basis was a bit confusing. The first time it happened, Joonhyeon and the other three had been so shocked they had all frozen for a moment. A second later the others were cackling and shouting out 'yah, why did you say that?'. Joonhyeon, however, took a little longer to recover, and he was glad they were too busy teasing Yongyong to notice his uncharacteristic quietness. Their outburst hadn't stopped Yongyong, though, and they had soon gotten used to it, and although they often replied with a laugh or a shove, Yongyong didn't seem bothered. And that was when Joonhyeon started questioning a few things about himself.

And then there was the fact that Yongyong made him feel weird. Joonhyeon had had his fair share of relationships, and he had definitely been in love before. So when he noticed he was starting to act differently towards Yongyong than he did towards the other boys he knew exactly what was going on. He was emotionally constipated, but he wasn't stupid. At one point, being close to Yongyong started making him feel giddy and happy, and he caught himself doing what he could to be paired with the slightly younger boy whenever he could, and he knew exactly what that meant.

To say Joonhyeon was scared would be the understatement of the century. As you can probably notice, he had quite an issue with masculinity and repressed feelings. And a guy liking another guy wasn't exactly the most masculine thing ever. In fact, it was quite the opposite - in Joonhyeon's mind. He didn't have anything against gay people, not at all, but he wasn't gay. Or that was what he told himself for the longest time. He was too manly to be gay, anyways, so there was no way.

Someone seemed to disagree with that, though. Namely, the butterflies on his tummy whenever Yongyong got too close. Oh, how Joonhyeon hated them. They weren't supposed to be there. Not for Yongyong and maybe not at all, because he read somewhere only girls got butterflies on their tummies? He wasn't quite sure where that information had come from, but anyways. The fact was that Yongyong made him feel weird, and it was slowly tiring Joonhyeon.

You can't really blame him. Being in a group is hard. You have to learn to deal with lots of different people - in Joonhyeon's case four different people - and you have to live with them. You have to learn and respect each other's boundaries, but those boundaries aren't always clear when all of you have to share a tiny dorm with only one bathroom and a single room for everyone. And then when everyone is tired from practice and frustrated with this or that what even are boundaries? As unknown as something called alone time. In short, hiding something from your bandmates when you're all together in a group is _hard_.

Joonhyeon did his best to suppress his feelings. He wasn't supposed to feel like that for a guy, and no, he had never felt like that towards a guy before, and yes, maybe he was lying, but whatever. Then, when he noticed suppressing everything might not be the best idea, he silently - after a lot of struggle and crying sessions in the shower - decided to accept that yes, he had a crush on Yongyong. But it was just a little crush, probably because he hadn't dated anyone in so long, and was craving a relationship, and if he ignored it then it would go away. Thus, he began the second part of his plan: ignoring.

The second part of his plan went as well as the first one: not at all. It was impossible to ignore Yongyong. They were together 24/7 for schedules and being born in the same year they were usually paired up for everything - something Joonhyeon had loved and even tried to achieve at first and was slowly starting to hate - and they were just always together, and Joonhyeon was weak, so when Yongyong smiled at him he couldn't really stick to his 'stay away' rule.

Joonhyeon knew everything would eventually come spilling out, because suppressing feelings or whatever else never really ended well. That didn't mean he was in any way ready for it when it finally happened.

They were preparing for a comeback, and everything was stressful which meant a few things: it meant Changgyu's nails were bitten to the point of hurting his fingers, Dongkeun spent way too much time practicing, and Yehyeon was extremely moody. And it meant Yongyong was extra cuddly. Because of all the coping mechanisms for stress that existed, of course clinging to his friends and wanting hugs would be Yongyong's go to option.

None of the boys seemed to care, mostly because they were busy with their own thoughts and worries. And Yongyong was smart enough to keep away from Yehyeon, because all of them knew they had to handle him with care when he was in this state of stress. Unfortunately, he did not stay away from Joonhyeon. Actually, Joonhyeon noticed he was the one Yongyong looked for the most when he wanted to be near someone.

Joonhyeon didn't know what to do. Everytime Yongyong sat next to him during a break of put an arm around his shoulders when they were walking home, Joonhyeon felt those stupid butterflies in his tummy. And a moment later, when the others teased them for it, he felt anger and frustration bubble up on his chest and moved away, ignoring Yongyong's pout. But he was getting tired, and he knew he couldn't keep this up forever.

He proved himself right - yey, great - a few days before their comeback. They had just gotten home, and Joonhyeon was at his limit after being teased by the others one too many times. He didn't even stop to notice they only ever teased him about Yongyong. Of course, they always poked fun at each other for various reasons, but Joonhyeon didn't even notice they never teased any of the others when Yongyong was being clingy to them.

He sat down on the couch with a sigh, then picked up his phone to try and distract himself a bit. Soon Dongkeun would come around asking for food, and Joonhyeon would have to gather everyone to order take out, but for now he could…

"Hey there." Joonhyeon wanted to scream as Yongyong sat next to him. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing," he answered. It came out harsher than he intended, but Yongyong didn't seem to notice. Or maybe he didn't care.

"Just scrolling through Twitter?"

Joonhyeon hummed, begging whatever deity there was out there to get him out of this situation. He was clearly ignored, as a moment later Yongyong lay his head on his shoulder. And then Joonhyeon burst.

It was so stupid, such a little thing, but he was tired and stressed from their comeback preparations and from fighting his feelings all day everyday. Yongyong had nothing to do with that, of course, it wasn't his fault Joonhyeon was stupid and emotionally constipated, but unfortunately, at the moment Joonhyeon didn't give a shit.

He pulled his shoulder back, making Yongyong gasp in surprise, and then got up, glaring at the other. "Dude, stay away from me!"

Yongyong looked at him in the eyes, and then Joonhyeon knew: he had fucked up big time. He opened his mouth to say something, but Yongyong was already leaving, slamming the door behind himself, and Joonhyeon didn't have the strength to go after him. With a sigh, he let himself fall on the couch, then picked up a pillow and screamed into it letting out all of his paint up worry, anger and fear.

Joonhyeon blinked in surprise as the pillow he had been screaming into was taken from his hands.

"Hyung, what the hell was that?" asked Dongkeun. Joonhyeon blinked again and when everything came into focus he groaned. Dongkeun, Yehyeon and Changgyu were all in the room, staring at him. And they had most certainly heard his outburst.

"Please, leave me alone," he asked. Dongkeun snorted.

"Uhn, yeah, I don't think so," he sat down next to Joonhyeon. The other two moved closer as well. "You've been acting weird all week, and we gave you space to solve it on your own, but if you're going to start taking it out on us then we need to have a talk."

Joonhyeon groaned. "I'm not taking anything out on anyone, for fucks sake."

Yehyeon snorted. "Hyung, you literally just yelled at Yongyong for nothing. You know he gets clingy when he's stressed, why are you getting upset over that all of a sudden?"

Joonhyeon wanted to dig a hole and bury himself in it. Unfortunately, they lived in an apartment, so he might just end up on his neighbor's home. Also, he didn't have a shovel, and...

"Hyung," called Changgyu, and Joonhyeon noticed he had been staring into space.

With a sigh, he looked at them. "I'm just tired, ok? We have a comeback soon, and I have tons of shit to deal with."

Dongkeun shook his head. "You were way more worried for our debut, and I don't remember you snapping at anyone like this," then he smiled teasingly. "Least of all at Yongyong."

The others chuckled, and that was it, Joonhyeon was so done with that. "Will you fucking stop? Maybe if you weren't asshole all the time I wouldn't have snapped like that!"

For once, the dorm was completely silent. Joonhyeon cursed himself and hid his face in his hands. Then a soft voice.

"Hyung. You should have told us we were making you uncomfortable."

Joonhyeon wasn't expecting that. He looked up. "What?"

Dongkeun, who had spoken, sighed. "You should have told us our teasing was making you upset."

Joonhyeon couldn't process what was being said. By Dongkeun's side, Yehyeon rolled his eyes. "What we mean, hyung, is that we wouldn't tease you all the time if we knew it made you uncomfortable. We tease each other because we don't mind. We thought you didn't mind, either, since you never said anything."

Changgyu nodded. "That's just how we interact, but that doesn't mean we actually think it's something that should be made fun of."

Joonhyeon could only stare. "I don't..." he tried to say, though he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say, "You guys always… it's not just Yongyong, though, you guys always… whenever… you're always teasing me for everything."

Dongkeun shook his head, putting a hand on Joonhyeon's shoulder. "You've never showed any signs of disliking the way we treat you, hyung. From day one you were the one who shied away the most from any kind of soft physical contact, and the one who did rough play the most. So we assumed you were ok with that. We all talked to Yongyong when we noticed he was more open than any of us with his feelings, and he told us he didn't mind the way we teased him. So we kept going."

Changgyu nodded in agreement. "We just never thought you, of all people, would get upset over this."

Joonhyeon sighed, feeling stupid and slow, and also a bit embarrassed. "I don't… I don't mind the teasing. I just, it makes me..."

Changgyu gave him a careful smile. "Scared? Cause you think we actually mean what we say, and you think we'll think differently of you if you ever let us see your softer side." Joonhyeon nodded, too shy to agree in any other way. "None of us care if you want to go around distributing kisses and hugs, Jun hyung. And no one here will ever make fun of you if you need someone to talk to about your feelings or whatever else."

Yehyeon snorted, "I always go to Yongyong hyung when I need to let things out or talk about something that's upsetting me, or something that made me really happy."

Dongkeun nodded, "we aren't the sweetest, and we don't really show affection through soft gestures or words, hyung, but we wouldn't mind it if you did, and we wouldn't tease you about it if it made you uncomfortable."

Joonhyeon shook his head, "It's not like that. I just, sometimes I want to express something, but I feel like I can't. Cause you would think I'm too cheesy or embarrassing or whatever."

Changgyu shook his head. "You can do that whenever you want to, and we won't ever tease you for that. Ok, hyung?"

Joonhyeon nodded.

"Now, about Yongyong hyung," Joonhyeon froze, looking at Yehyeon, "that wasn't really the way to go if you want him to know you like him."

Joonhyeon felt his cheeks burning. "W-what…?"

Dongkeun snorted. "Don't even start, hyung. We know you like him, we've known since forever. And no, none of us care. We do care that you made him upset. So you better go find him and apologize. Understood?"

Everything was too much, and Joonhyeon's head was spinning. He felt as if he had just gotten pushed around on a mosh pit for way too long, and was now trying to recover amidst the crowd. Not the best feeling, 1/10, would not recommend. He had just gone from believing his friends would endlessly tease him for any little display of softness to knowing they actually didn't care. They would accept him even if he was one of the care bears giving out hearts and hugs.

And now he was finding out his friends _knew_ about his crush on Yongyong and supported it? It was too much for him. Except he didn't have time for it to be too much, because he had literally just shoved Yongyong away - physically and emotionally - and had no idea where the boy was now.

"If you want a tip, he likes to be up high when he's upset," said Dongkeun. 

Joonhyeon looked at the other boys. The three faces that had once belonged to complete strangers, but were now so familiar and dear to him. They accepted him. Accepted him and loved him no matter what, and they would have his back, even when he was at his worst. He took a deep breath.

"I'll be back, then."

He ignored the teasing smiles on their faces, because he knew, now, they weren't laughing at him. They just showed their love and affection like that, and he wasn't wrong - and wouldn't be hated - for showing it differently.

Yongyong was, as Dongkeun had predicted, somewhere high. On the rooftop, specifically. Joonhyeon almost gave up and turned around to go back to the dorm, because despite the conversation he had just had with the boys he was still terrified. Scared of admitting once and for all he wasn't fully straight, scared he might be judged, scared Yongyong would reject him. But he couldn't go back now, not without at least talking to the younger boy.

"Hey." Yongyong jumped at his greeting, startled. Then he huffed and turned away from Joonhyeon.

"What do you want?" he asked.

Joonhyeon sat down next to him, and stared at the night sky for a while, before speaking. "Sorry," he said, "I… sorry."

Yongyong snorted. "You're so eloquent."

Joonhyeon chuckled. "I deserved that. Look, I…" he didn't know what else to say. He wanted to apologize for everything. He hadn't been nice to Yongyong recently, and he knew that, but how could he…? 

"I think I should be the one apologizing, Jun," what? "I… I noticed you've been trying to stay away from me, and yet I insisted on being all over you, when I can tell you don't like it. So, I'm sorry. You had all the right to snap at me like you did."

What? "What?"

Yongyong looked at him and shrugged. "I'm not blind, Jun. I can tell you've been avoiding me. I should have stayed away."

Joonhyeon shook his head. "That's… what…? I didn't mean to avoid you."

Yongyong raised an eyebrow at him. "How do you accidently avoid someone?"

Joonhyeon took a deep breath. "That's not what I meant. I did avoid you, but I didn't… it wasn't because I wanted to. I was just scared of letting you get too close, cause then you might notice I… you might notice I wanted the opposite of pushing you away."

Oh gods why was he so awkward? Yongyong was looking at him with a mix of amusement and confusion. "The opposite?" Joonhyeon nodded. "What, you wanted to pull me closer?"

Yongyong was teasing and Joonhyeon knew, but he still felt his cheeks reddening. "I..." he attempted, but quickly gave up, because he didn't actually know what to say.

Yongyong was now staring with wide eyes. "Wait are you serious?"

Joonhyeon sighed. "Yeah. Sorry," he said, ready for the rejection and the shame.

Yongyong frowned. "Sorry? Why are you apologizing?"

Joonhyeon risked a look at him, and Yongyong did look genuinely confused. "Cause I like you and that's weird?"

Surprisingly, Yongyong's cheeks reddened at that, and Joonhyeon tilted his head. Now he was the one confused. "Jun. You are really dense, did you know that?"

Unfortunately, Joonhyeon wasn't given time to reply, because as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Yongyong leaned closer and pecked him on the lips.

Joonhyeon may have squealed. It was a possibility. He may also have blushed and looked down in embarrassment. Then he internally told himself to stop acting like a sixteen year old who just got his first kiss and looked at Yongyong. "What does that mean?" he asked, just to be sure.

Yongyong snorted. "It means I like you too, stupid. Now stop acting like a school boy and kiss me properly."

Joonhyeon obeyed.

Joonhyeon sighed as Yehyeon and Dongkeun once again staged the incident they had sweetly named 'Jun hyung's big gay panic'. By his side, Yongyong laughed and Joonhyeon elbowed him. 

"Excuse me, as my boyfriend, you're supposed to be on my side," he complained.

Yongyong rolled his eyes and pecked him on the lips. "I am on your side. But they're doing a great portrayal of how panicked you were."

Joonhyeon glared, but Yongyong knew exactly how to deal with him, and with another little peck the glare was gone.

"Please stop kissing in front of us," pleaded Yehyeon, "I'm starting to think we shouldn't have helped Jun hyung."

Joonhyeon flipped him off and everyone laughed.

"I'm going to get the coupons we got the other day and then we can order." said Dongkeun, satisfied with the effect of his little play.

Changgyu moved to the couch, still laughing, and turned on the TV. Yehyeon settled next to him and got his phone. Joonhyeon looked at Yongyong. The younger laughed and gave him one more kiss. "Love you," he said.

Joonhyeon smiled. "Love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> I really feel the need to apologize for the title again saejtkmdf
> 
> Anyways, hope you liked the story! I started shipping Jun with another member halfway through writing it but then it was too late to change lol
> 
> In case you randomly found this and don't know who UNVS are, you should really check them out. They have two songs, Timeless and Give You Up and they're both great, and they have an amazing program called Rookie King UNVS which is hilarious. Give them a chance!!!!!!!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEtQXrElVy0 (timeless)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZubL2B7D74 (give you up)
> 
> They also have two non-title tracks, Solar Eclipse and Waterfall (Dongkeun's solo!!!!)
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated, and I love you ^.^


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